fourpointedstar

Over this past month, I’ve given a lot of thought to consequences and redemption. The news if filled with women (and men) stepping forward with allegations and the accused releasing statements, denials and apologies.

Over the past few years, I’ve strived to live by a simple standard: “Be a better person today than I was yesterday” with the follow-up action “admit my mistakes and learn from them.” Admittedly, I’m not great at it, but this past month has forced me to consider a deep fear:

My past mistakes* have caused pain for others.

Each of us is flawed. Each of us has unintentionally (and sometimes, intentionally) left another person scarred, broken, or hurting by our actions. Those of us in positions of power have a greater probability of our actions causing another person’s pain. How can I endeavor to not cause future pain, and when confronted with my mistakes how will I react?

Realizing and reflecting on this deep fear has forced me to adjust my simple standard into 3 standards:

1. Be a better person today than I was yesterday.

2. Practice empathy and compassion toward everyone.

3. Listen to others and be willing to admit when I’m wrong.

By listening and trying to understand another person’s life and reasons, hopefully I can better understand how to avoid unintentionally causing another person’s pain.

But what happens when our mistakes are made public and those that we harmed confront us? I think it’s the same 3 rules with one important addition: After you have listened and admitted that you were wrong, had compassion for how you affected others, changed your actions – after all of that is said and done, accept the consequences of your own actions.

You may lose your position of power, you may never be forgiven, and you will bear the shame and guilt of your actions. The redemption comes in learning and becoming a better person, in not making the same mistake again.

* I know that the stories in the news are not “mistakes”, but rather egregious abuses of power, sexual and otherwise.